


Basically, I Have Questions

by Couldbeamidget



Series: Non-Fiction ClapTrap [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Not a Story, Other, really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-02-02 12:00:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12726252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Couldbeamidget/pseuds/Couldbeamidget
Summary: I hope the title explains this. I also just threw in a personal comment about politics in writing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Things I wonder about at 3:00 am on my night shifts.

    Hey, ladies (and gentlemen? Not sure about that one), I pose a question. My friend Lalarandoms (check out her work, it's amazing...also, if you can, encourage her to finish her stories and actually post them, instead of letting these gems rot in her computer) has commented time and time again about how short my chapters are. It doesn't seem to be a criticism, just an observation.

   Anyway. Is it bad form to submit very short chapters? It's kind of how my brain works, and to be honest, I am afraid I will lose people's interest if I take too much time between posting. Is it disruptive to a storyline? I am not looking for consoling pats on the back, or disingenuous compliments...really. Please be honest, and tell me what you think.

   And really, even if you haven't read my stuff, I'd like to know your opinion on the matter. Are very short chapters considered faux pas? I don't feel that reading my stuff is a prerequisite for your opinion.

   In addition, is it okay to submit a list of authors whose work is absolutely phenomenal? It seems like some of these people's work might have been overlooked. Is there a place where I can do this?

   I don't even know if this is a forum in which this kind of posting is permissible. I'd do it on my Tumblr page but have never even gotten one hit on it. Perhaps the picture of my cat is off-putting. Who knows.

   So...mediators, other authors, please. I value each and every comment and kudos I get (in fact, they kind of make my day). Negative feedback is just as valued as positive/constructive, FYI.

   Lastly, I did have one person point out a mistake I made in a chapter of The Eyes of the Storm. If anyone else noticed an error with Molly removing Rosie's coat and mixing up pronouns I'd appreciate your input. I can't find it, and these things just really bother me.

    Again, apologies if this type of post is not permissible, or you consider it inappropriate. 


	2. Hmmm

Hi, having come across a few stories that mention Americans, it only seems fair that if they are going to be maligned in the story based on their nationality that the author is also an American. We're not all douchebags.

Because of Sherlock's torture taking place in a specific country, I remember that I myself have been perhaps in insensitive about nationality. In my case, Mycroft harbored a secret wish to do foul things to Serbia. I didn't get any negative feedback about this, and in fact nobody said anything about it at all. 

So, perhaps I am being too touchy? I think that I am going to remove it from the story anyway. It's not part of the storyline and I don't want to offend. Thoughts?

Postscript: I did remove it from my story.


	3. Seeking Inky, Alabaster Orbs...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thesaurus, anyone?

I put forth a challenge. I have fruitlessly tried to come up with another word to describe Sherlock's coloring, but damn it, the man's skin IS alabaster.

Shall we brainstorm together and find alternative words for these things?

_I need help, people!_

These are the words I have seen in other people's work, and have I tried to come up with a few of my own. 

Sherlock's skin: alabaster ( _obvious),_ milky, luminescent, startlingly pale, creamy, porcelain, glowing, ghostly, smooth

John's skin tone: weathered, lined, tanned, golden...and, that's all I got.

_sorry, I am going to throw them all together. I hate using my phone to post. I am lousy texter... and a lazy one, too._

Eyes: orbs, ocean, cerulean, translucent, too-weak, pale, otherworldly, chocolate, irises, kaleidoscope, navy, dilated, blown, aquamarine, brown

Hair color: silvery, dusty, sandy, brown, blond/brunette (side note - is their a different spelling for male and female versions of the word? I have seen these words with and without an "e" at the end), inky, chestnut, sepia, burnt umber

Hair texture: curls, tangled, tresses, mop, military, neat, short

Height/body style: lanky, compact, tiny, small, tall, gangly, elongated, intimidating, powerful, emaciated, taut, muscular, lengthy, underestimated (strength-wise), competent, dangerous, wily, flexible, strong, capable

Penis * _author blushing*_ : member, penis, cock, prick, dick...and again. All I got.

I am not even going there with anus. Please help!

Same thing with testicles. Please forgive me, I was raised Roman Catholic (although I no longer practice).

Buttocks: globes, cheeks, rump, behind (Thanks, Gatiss and Mofatt), _and_   _wow. I have avoided using a thesaurus here on general principle. Drawing a blank._

_Please help!_

 

 

 


	4. He She We They Them - and the Taller Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions concerning pronouns vs. proper nouns vs. descriptions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ensure your pronouns have an unambiguous antecedent that is before and near each pronoun" - Quick and Dirty Tips
> 
> Okay...what? Alright, I understand what this means, but only because I home-schooled my daughter for five years. Five long, agonizing years...*ahem*
> 
> ________________
> 
> This has nothing to do with anything, but I thought that it was funny.
> 
> "Pronouns make it hard to keep our sexual identity secret when our co-workers ask us about our weekend. I had a great time with...them. Great! Now they don't think you're queer - just a big slut." - Judy Carter

   So. My fellow co-worker and friend Lalarandoms made a point once about switching up proper nouns with pronouns or descriptive statements referring to characters. So, in the hope that my writing doesn't sound redundant, I mix up, say "Sherlock" with "he", "the taller man", "the detective" etc. I have observed many other writers use this approach with wonderful results. I think that using this approach can expand the reader's understanding of a character. The main problem that I have with this is that I find myself drawing a blank after a few such monikers. Plus, I don't want to get carried away and end up confusing the reader.  


   The other method many writers use is to keep things simple and just keep references to characters to proper nouns and personal, possessive, reflexive, reciprocal, and relative. No other references to characters, like "tall guy" etc. are used.

 

 

**Pronoun Type** | **Members of the Subclass** | **Example**  
---|---|---  
**Possessive** | _mine, yours, his, hers, ours, theirs_ |  The white car is  _mine_  
**Reflexive** | _myself, yourself, himself, herself, itself, oneself, ourselves, yourselves, themselves_ |  He injured  _himself_ playing football  
**Reciprocal** | _each other, one another_ |  They really hate  _each other_  
**Relative** | _that, which, who, whose, whom, where, when_ |  The book  _that_ you gave me was really boring  
**Demonstrative** | _this, that, these, those_ |  _This_ is a new car  
**Interrogative** | _who, what, why, where, when, whatever_ |  _What_ did he say to you?  
**Indefinite** | _anything, anybody, anyone, something, somebody, someone, nothing, nobody, none, no one_ |  There's  _something_ in my shoe  
  
 

Well, now I can't turn the paragraph format back to left-hand margin because I am a doofus. This might look a little strange from now on.

Anyhoo, I really think I prefer using the simpler approach, and never seem to get bored when I read the works of people who chose to go with personal pronouns/proper nouns. 

I guess my question is, what method do you prefer, and why? Talk among yourselves...please, any input would be appreciated.

 

Ta! 

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you are a google slut like me...also where the above chart came from.
> 
> www.ucl.ac.uk/internet-grammar/nouns/pronoun.htm


	5. Here, Beta Beta Beta...

Hello there,

Just wondering how people obtain a beta for our fandom. I think I am in dire need of some advice. Thanks!

 

After submitting this, I realized how frustrating it might be to click on it and get a lousy two-sentence chapter for your efforts.

Sorry for that!

I just don't know how to go about finding someone who is interested in doing this for me. 

Americans are somewhat obsessed with buying male beta fish, sad little creatures who end up languishing in some dark corner of an office or a children's messy bedroom. It's a pet for people who actually don't like pets.

Every time I think about betas, I have this image of going into a pet store where people (okay, middle-aged women) clutching their laptops and holed up in jars - on display shelves.

I know, I am weird.

I really don't want a goldfish, just a beta.

 

Well, I guess that is all that I have to say. Thanks for reading!


	6. Riddle Me This, Batman

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slang.

Hi there, me again. I watched an old bit on Ellen about the different slang used in both the UK and the US. I do my best to utilize Google and observe other writer's phrasing in the hope of sounding authentic. I have had people comment on my stuff to help correct errors, such as with units of measurement, etc. I am SO gratified when people take the time to help me out. So, ta for that! Lol.

Just for fun, do any of you lovely Europeans use any of the following Americanisms?

Fudge

Freaking

Sumbitch

Ballpark figure

Tit for tat

The bird

Brown-noser

Whacko

Bae

That's the fat, Jack 

On the ball

Go dutch 

Suck my wind

Cram

Yada yada yada

Hold your horses

Flip your lid

On the pot

Bumper

Bug out

Ho bath

Tinkle

My bad

Over your head

Toot

Watch yourself

Fess up

Gone to pot

Gone to seed

Slag

It's five o'clock somewhere

Slap-happy

Hard-core

No dice

Freezing balls

Mining for gold

Loopy

Ass wipe

Suck up

You're toast

Slit

Slap-happy

Fucktard

Cock knocker

Shut

Shut the front door

Park it

Give me a pass

Crybaby

Upchuck

Skank

Give me flack

Shit hits the fan

Eat my dust

Dragon breath

 Hot to trot

Eat dirt

I could eat a horse

 mad skills

 Rigamarole

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sure that some of these are a no brainer (see what I did there?) Please add on to my list in the comments just for fun!


End file.
